how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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