exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
