Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
