Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
