Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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