he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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