If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she told me i tasted like america
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
