i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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