im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
