I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
