what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
