you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
