Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't shave. On purpose
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
