remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
