Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
