Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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