i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
