i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
