This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
