So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
