My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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