Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
