I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
