If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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