Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
