I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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