I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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