did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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