You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
