No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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