Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
