i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
