hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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