sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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