We won't sleep together?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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