chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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