you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
