saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
