Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
