My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
