im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
