how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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