my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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