I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
