I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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