:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize