I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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