I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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