Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
