I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
