Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
