Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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