In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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