she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
