we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
