The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
