i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
