I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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