Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
