Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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