dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
