the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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