Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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