It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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