I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
