I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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