Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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